20 Dec

It’s been awhile since I have blogged…

It might have something to do w/ having 4 kids, 6 years of age and under…

It might have something to do w/ the time of year…

or the fact that water was spilled on my computer and it was being fixed…

A few months back I attempted to start running again.  So my buddy and I met up, started running and of course started solving the worlds problems…ok, maybe not

I was mid vent… “I know we heard God, we are supposed to have Bell and Ollie BUT I don’t understand why it has to be so stinking hard?”

Keep in mind, this run happened BEFORE we moved, only 4 months after getting the girls home, in the process of buying a home that had a ton of work to get done BEFORE we could move in and Jeff is getting ready for surgery.  (come to find out…the 1st of 3 surgeries in less than a year!)

Laura gently says, “Explain why you said ‘but’ as opposed to ‘and’?”  (This is why I keep her around…BOOM!)  “Why couldn’t you say, “I know we heard God, we are supposed to have Bell and Ollie AND I don’t understand why it has to be so stinking hard?”

Great, amazing, insightful conversation to follow…as we huff and puff our way through a run.

Once I got home, I looked up the definition of “but” (yes, I knew what it meant…just double checking)

1. contrary to expectation
2. in contrast
3. (usually used after a negative) other than we can’t do anything but wait

“Usually used after a negative”…so pretty much everything I said before, “but” is disregarded.

Then looked up “and” (again, I knew what this meant…just double checking)

– A logical operator that returns a true value only if both operands are true.
1. along with; in addition to
2. as a consequence
3. afterwards
4. (preceded by good or nice) (intensifier)

Truth; Jeff and I clearly heard God and chose to follow Him on this journey of adoption…NO WAY could we have done this on our own!

Truth; ADOPTION IS STINKING HARD!  We believe in a God who loves, pursues and desires a relationship w/ us, a God who ADOPTED us into His family and NEVER gives up on us, which allows us to continue on this journey with hope.

Is it possible to have opposite feelings at the same time, concerning the same situation?

Is it possible to feel joy like you have never felt before AND sadness that paralyzes the very core of who you are?

Is it possible to hear God’s voice, be obedient, and you find its harder than you ever imagined, you wonder where He could be in all this mess that you are living?

I can honestly answer YES to all 3 of these questions…

AND He is still God

AND He is good

AND He loves me

I am currently on a journey of giving myself permission to feel what I am feeling combined with what I know as TRUTH.

&…(an old symbol w/ new meaning)


Posted by on December 20, 2013 in Uncategorized


4 responses to “&

  1. Sharon lee

    December 22, 2013 at 6:07 am

    Thanx for sharing —- brave words of truth
    Praying with you that God give us all we need to get through the difficult AND see His hand in it

  2. Christy

    April 17, 2014 at 10:56 pm

    I love this post so much, I know it’s old, but it’s so profound.
    Love you guys 🙂

    • Christy

      April 17, 2014 at 10:58 pm

      The but was used to disregard just the old part. I hope that was clear and you guys are amazing!!

  3. eastwestchic

    September 24, 2014 at 10:03 pm

    I really like this post. We’re in the process of adopting a second from China. Adopting is “stinking hard” and wonderful, just like you said. Great blog!


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