I haven’t blogged nearly as much as I have wanted to and in all honesty…its my pride. (& lack of time!)
I want the happy and smiley pics on instagram/facebook to be realistic indicators of how we are doing…they aren’t though. Most often they are pictures captured w/ my iPhone, in a mad dash, so I have pics to encourage and remind me who I am fighting for…what I am fighting for…and even in the trenches, we can still laugh and find joy!
If you have seen me in the last couple weeks…you know I am getting more showers, (more than 2 a week) my eyes are less puffy and I have even worn my fancy pants. (fancy pants = jeans) You may have seen Bell &/or Ollie a few times…at their dedication, the hoe-down or visits to daddy at church.
Here it is…
- the nights are really hard, Bell is hurting so much and her brain won’t shut down to allow her sleep, her moaning, crying, screaming and outbursts during the night and early hours of the morning are like nothing I have ever experienced, it breaks my heart to see her hurt so deeply and I am not be enough to console her or fix it!
- Ollie is dealing w/ her trauma and pain during the day time w/ outbursts and emotions that she can’t seem to get a hold of, she starts down the path of being driven and controlled by her emotions and then there is no calming her down, her record is just over 3 hours and after she is exhausted and so are we!
- Jeff has already had 1 surgery this year, another one coming up on this Thursday and a 3rd surgery in 6 months (I will let Jeff fill you in on this one)
- Nuero-therapy for the twins (helping their brains heal) means the girls and I are up in WA for 10-14 days (we leave only 4 days after Jeff’s surgery)
- Caleb and Sam are adjusting well to a new home, neighborhood and school…the immersion program for Spanish is a little overwhelming for their brains and they are pretty tired by the time they get home and I am constantly in awe of the way they love their sisters and serve others.
- Our world is really small right now, I don’t make a lot of plans, I cancel plans often, I don’t always respond or follow through via text/fb/email etc. (PLEASE don’t take it personal…its me, not you! I know, sounds like a cheesy, “I am breaking up w/ you” line. For me, during this season…its true!)
- We don’t really know whats going on w/ other people…not b/c we don’t care, b/c we are just living one day at a time and being present with our life, is just about all we have.
- Our house is not settled from the move yet…we are getting there
- Both of our cars have been broken, towed, repaired and 2 fender benders in the last month and a half
- Cancelled plans for a Cali trip to meet our newest nephew, see family and dear friends, b/c we knew the girls didn’t have the ability to handle it and our energy levels are tanked
Right now…its one day at a time and often, one hour at a time.
We have been loved, encouraged, prayed for and felt called every step of the way…moving forward, toward hope and healing.
“When Moses’ hands grew tired, they took a stone and put it under him and he sat on it. Aaron and Hur held his hands up—one on one side, one on the other—so that his hands remained steady till sunset.” Exodus 17:12
Thank you for holding us up